


White Lies

by Thefrostyxx



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, Rockstar AU, band au, social media!au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-12
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2019-05-21 09:13:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14912582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thefrostyxx/pseuds/Thefrostyxx
Summary: Tsukishima was many things. He was a business student, a model, a music teacher, and then a touring guitarist for The Crows, a new band that was selected to open for one of the biggest summer tours with the most famous rock bands. He determined to lay low and doesn't make any friends until a certain bedheaded rockstar decided to fit himself into Tsukishima's life.By then, Tsukishima realized that he's not the only one whose life looks a whole lot different than what he shows on the surface.





	1. The Aterparty

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, this is my first attempt at writing KuroTsuki. Please note that english is not my first language so if you see some weird stuff here and there please forgive me >.<
> 
> Also I'm (not) sorry that I also have to squeeze in AkaFuri cause Furi is my baby and he was so precious I couldn't leave him alone/

It was an evening to remember.

Everything that had been prepared for a year was finally coming to its conclusion, and it was ended with literal sparks of fire in the black sky. It was a successful evening, paying off every stress, every blood and tears shed by the individuals involved in making that event such a success. Because every single thing about the fashion show that evening was perfect.

Every single outfit and makeup that evening was sending off the message and the art perfectly, even the selection of models displaying the collection was so perfect, as if Yamaguchi was specifically designing every single clothing for each of them personally.

The band that was performing live was breathing life into the collection with perfect energy, as if every single note was sung to match the aura of each outfit specifically. But again, what does one expect from The Blackats, one of the most sensational rock band in the world?  

And most notably, every single flash of camera and cheers from journalists and fashion bloggers, mixed with constant cheers from fans that were undoubtedly here thanks to the kickass promotional campaign made by Hitoka Yachi, was the cherry on top of the evening. The girl herself was personally handing out press releases to journalists that were arriving late, promising them that pictures and footage of the show will be ready to be downloaded and reported in an hour. Exactly two hours before the deadline for tomorrow’s morning paper.

The Fashion Show was a success. The band helped boost the crowd and the social media lives and posts about it, making #ClassybyDashi number one trend across all platforms. And not to mention that they secured numerous first-page coverage on tomorrow’s paper.

Every single person involved in making that evening happened has every reason to be proud and happy. That’s why they’re here in the afterparty, cheering to every single thing that made tonight happen until they were all tipsy by the booze and by happiness.

“Toast to the man that made this amazing night happen, Yamaguchi Tadashi!”

“Let’s drink to the goddess of PR herself, Hitoka Yachi!”

“Let’s all raise your glass for the muse of the collection that made tonight, the second heir of Nekoma Kingdom and the CEO of Eightbits Company, Kozume Kenma! Stay classy, brother!”

And many other things and people they toast to. But honestly, Tsukishima was not entirely impressed.

No, not because he was a wet blanket, or salty, as most people label him. He was just _realistic_. Of course, he was happy that tonight was a success. His best friend and his girlfriend were trying so hard to make tonight happen. But Tsukishima didn’t see the point of being surprised of it when they were having a lot of powerful influence supporting them. The involvement of Kozume Kenma, one of the most influential Royal in the modern world was just a half of the story. Aside of him, there was also The Blackats, which vocalist apparently dating Kenma, agreed to perform live to support the show and his boyfriend altogether. Two tweets by that couple alone were enough to make people talk about the show for days and ready to kill to be invited. 

And let’s not forget about the support from one of the most powerful company in the country, The Akashi Group.

Akashi Seijuurou himself was sitting in the first row in the show, with Tadashi’s stepbrother clinging beside him, grinning proudly as his slightly older brother appeared by the end of the fashion show. The sole heir of one of the oldest conglomerate family was head over heels for Furihata Kouki, it was really no surprise to see him hang around in the after party to give positive testimonials and how Akashi Group would continue to support the vision of #ClassybyDashi, hands never let go of the brunet’s.

Tsukishima could go on and on about the backings that made today successful. Like, let's not forget about, Yachi’s mom who pulled the strings to invite the best music and fashion journalists from the biggest media to come and even made live coverage. Tsukishima knew. He was there half of the time she made the calls.

So yeah, the success was already predicted even from thousand miles away. 

Luckily, he was too drunk to be salty now.

It was quite strange, really. Tsukishima was barely a fan of alcohol. He didn’t like the burning feeling in his throat, the smell, and the hazy feeling that it brought. Tsukishima always prefered himself to be able to think clearly, instead of sabotaging his brain with a hallucinogenic substance.

But then, he remembered that it's strange that his best friend that he supported for as long as he could remember was making out with the girlfriend he was going to propose to, with tongue and teeth, no less. He remembered that it was strange to walk angrily on the Fashion Show, and yet some people were crowding over him for modeling offers when it’s done. He remembered that it was strange for him to avoid Yachi’s attempt to kiss him, as he was never one to say no to the sweet girl. He remembered that it was strange to see the questions and guilt mixed in her face, before Tsukishima retreated to the back of the room.

Everything about that night was strange. It's like once Tsukishima walked down the runway that night, the world was shifting from its axis and nothing was the same anymore. 

He remembered that everything hurts and that he only wanted to forget about that night. Probably sleep it off and when he woke up the next day, the world will shift back to its original axis. Tadashi would still be an indie designer who sells his clothes through instagram and celebrity endorsement, Yachi would still be a brilliant PR intern that Tsukishima had to pick up every evening so that they can have dinner together before coming home to their shared apartment. The world where Yachi and Tadashi never try to suck each other's face through their mouth.

Did they ever done it before tonight?

Tsukishima pulled his phone, trying to find any signs of them having a thing through old photos. But a burst of notifications from his social media reminded him how impossible it was to forget about that night, given that there would be approximately five first page headlines, one million tweets, and probably one hundred thousand instagram videos to remind him about tonight and every single thing that went wrong.

This is not the world where you can sleep to reset the world to suit your liking. There were things that can't be undone and unseen. He just had to live with it. 

But hey, it doesn't mean that he was left without any choice. He could still forget about that evening, even for a moment. It's called being drunk, and the weapon of his choice is a bottle of vodka that one of the fellow model, Lev Haiba, was giving him generously. 

Bits and pieces seemed to be happening after he bottoms up the second bottle he held. Everything seemed unclear now, like Tsukishima is living the world from behind a static television. Voices was far and words mashed up to each other, that they didn’t make any sense. Every single light was either too bright or too grainy, if it’s even making any sense. But Tsukishima remembered black hair that was greasy and hard thanks to hair gel, probably. He remembered having tongue shoves inside his mouth, aggressive and hot and making his lungs about to explode. He remembered intense gaze that reminded him of a cat, he remembered a knee pressed to his groin. He remembered moaning lightly. He remembered Cheshire grin directed towards him.

He remembered pulling back from whatever he was doing to puke, and then all five senses he got was shut down into absolute darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Furi would play some key role in this story :)  
> also, can you guess who's Tsukki is making out with? :)


	2. One Year Later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsukishima was left on his own after the party, trying to run away from the feeling and his friends, until his friends decided to catch up with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is just for plot purposes, and I just really can't keep myself from slipping in some Daisuga cause duh :) also thanks for Rames, my good friend that is willing to read this piece even though she knows nothing about HQ. Your unconditional friendship really moved me, my friend!

Tsukishima could feel his head was banging in his skull, waking him up from the sad excuse he called sleep. 

He groaned when he tried to get up from his sleep, opting to roll around on his bed instead so he didn’t have to deal with whatever torture his head was going to go through if he got up. His vision was blurry without glasses, but Tsukishima could see a glass of water and a small white dot on his nightstand that looked like an aspirin. 

He grabbed the thing and the glass, smelling it to be sure before downing it in one go. Damn alcohol. He quietly thanking whatever star he was under last night that forbid him to drink more, cause Tsukishima couldn’t deal with puking right now. Next Saturday, maybe. But not now.

Right now, he was occupied with a constant banging inside his skull.

Tsukishima groaned, laying his head back on the pillow. To his surprise, the banging stopped. Tsukishima hummed contently, closing his eyes and pulling his blanket back before the banging sound continued, harder than the first time and sounded even more urgent. 

_ Ugh _ . So the banging wasn’t originated from his head. Instead, it was coming from his front door.

Okay, first, Tsukishima wasn’t big on guests. He never invites anyone home, and he gave his address only to a handful of people. And second, the fact that he’s having a hangover right now meant that it was Saturday, and Tsukishima was sure that he’s dead to the world on Saturdays except for national level emergencies. So he tried to ignore the door, pretending not to be home in hope that whoever was on his door leave him the fuck alone as they should be. 

It finally stopped, after a few moments. Tsukishima sighed contently before his eyes shot back open when he heard the sound of the door being unlocked. 

Okay, screw his  _ clean criminal record.  _ He’s going to go murder that person today.

After the hangover subsided, there is.

“Hey, wake up!” the man on the door said. Tsukishima could almost hear the perpetual frown in his tone raised into irritation when he entered the room. “Goddamn, you’re awake! Why didn’t you open the door?”

“Why the fuck did you even knock when you have the key?” Tsukishima retorted back, groaning loudly as the man opened the blinds in his room. The sunlight was stabbing his eyes through his eyelids, making Tsukishima rolling over to lay on his stomach and covering his sensitive eyes. “Goddamnit, King. Why do you even have  _ my  _ key?”

“Lev gave it to me last night when you were too drunk to go home on your own. I was also the one who put an aspirin on your nightstand. You’re welcome,” the man, Kageyama Tobio, said as he crossed his hands in front of his chest. “Also, the other option to wake you up was with cold water. I’m just trying to be nice.”

“You trying to be nice? Tch. Should’ve started with the face.”

“Come again?”

Tsukishima groaned once again. He didn’t need this so early in the morning, and on Saturday on top of that. He raised his face from the bed, staring at Kageyama in the most menacing way he could muster while battling hangover and the funny feeling his stomach is going through. “Doesn’t dictatorial duty cancelled on weekend? Please come back at business hour for I don’t want to see your face when it was not in life-threatening circumstances and you happened to be the only rescue.”

Kageyama rolled his eyes as he placed a bottle of what looked like a yellow milkshake on the nightstand. “It’s not like I want to be here dealing with your salty ass either.”

Tsukishima growled. “Then do us both a favour and leave. Bring that poisonous shit with you while you’re at it.”

“It’s not from me, it’s from Koshi,” Kageyama said. “And it’s banana milkshake, by the way. He said it’s going to help build up your sugar level, and rehydrate your fucked up system.”

“Somebody’s been reading an encyclopedia, I see,” Tsukishima said, gaining a more intense glare from Kageyama. “Tell Koshi I said tha… wait, Koshi? As in Sugawara Koshi?”

“ _ Sawamura  _ Koshi,” Kageyama corrected, with his signature what-the-hell-dude face. But again Kageyama always looked like that on daily basis.

“Sawamura… Koshi,” Tsukishima winced, forcing his stupid brain to think. It doesn’t feel right. Tsukishima knew that he’s having a hangover, but he remembered that the name Koshi doesn’t start with Sawamura.  _ Daichi  _ starts with Sawamura.

Wait. 

_ Daichi.  _

That makes sense. Koshi means Suga and if Suga involved in this whole situation, then Daichi wouldn’t be far behind him.

As if he could hear the gears clicked on Tsukishima’s brain, Kageyama nodded. “Yeah, I’m not here cause I want to. Daichi sent me. He  _ needs _ to see you.”

-

Tsukishima Kei was dead to the world on Saturdays, except for national level emergencies such as Sawamura Daichi.

Don’t get him wrong, Tsukishima never let anyone be the boss of him, not even his clients when he was still a promising new star in the modelling world. But Sawamura Daichi was one of a few people he’s willing to make an exception for. He was a respectful man that Tsukishima always looked up to, he’s still is, and it doesn’t help that Tsukishima owe Daichi for something he couldn’t possibly pay with wealth. So anything concerning Daichi was equivalent to a national level emergency. 

Letting anyone affect him on such deep level was not something Tsukishima comfortable with. In fact, it was dangerous enough that everytime the name Daichi mentioned, there was an alarm blaring in his mind. But well, even after thinking about it over and over, Tsukishima decided to keep his…  _ affiliation  _ with Daichi. He and Sugawara-san both. 

Oh yeah, and there wasn’t  _ Sugawara-san _ anymore. They’re both Sawamura now. Tsukishima missed the wedding. It was rude, but what could he say? The wedding happened on Saturday morning not long after #ClassybyDashi afterparty. It was a combination of nope for Tsukishima. So instead, he sent a card and a huge flower arrangement that more or less means “Stay Together Forever” in flower language. Maybe. Tsukishima was too hangover to pay attention to the florist. 

It’s been more than a year since they last met, and Daichi never once pesters him for a meetup. They were content by including each other in their own lives subtlely, Tsukishima by sending him things every now and then from the cities he visited, and Daichi by covering Tsukishima’s ass like he always did to the blond’s mother whenever he comes home to their hometown. What could he possibly need now, and why sending Kageyama instead of calling him like a normal person?

“Is something horrible happens?” Tsukishima asked, voice flat and only slightly louder than a whisper. The milkshake that Suga…  _ Koshi _ packed for him made him a whole lot better already. His head stopped hurting and his throat stopped feeling like a sandpaper. Now Tsukishima could think properly.

“No,” Kageyama answered, eyes never wavering from the street. His hands gripped the steering wheel tightly. 

_ Always so intense _ , Tsukishima wanted to tease him. But his headache and the overall mood kept him from messing with the dark-haired man.

No one speaks any word anymore, letting silence filling the beat up Honda they rode and as a result, making Tsukishima a little bit anxious. He hated not knowing, and Kageyama keeping his mouth shut was not helping with his situation at all. Tsukishima fiddled with his fingers, before decided to grab his cigarette and roll the window of the car low enough so that his mouth was not uncovered. The warm wind of the end blew towards his direction, making Tsukishima had to cover the cigarette he was trying to lit. After the first long drag, the blond turned his head to Kageyama. If Kageyama didn’t like him smoking in his car, he would already say right now. But instead, he said nothing. 

A silent permission was enough for the blond. 

“So,” he started, when a huge chunk of anxiety had vanished into a smoke that he exhaled into the warm wind of spring. “Why did Daichi sent you to pick me? Aren’t you… you just missed the street to Daichi’s house now.” 

Kageyama shrugged. “He’s not home. They’re both in Furihata’s now,” he said. 

It was strange. Furihata wasn’t a part of Tsukishima life which has Daichi in it. Furihata was his childhood friend, the younger brother that Tadashi always wanted, and had in all of a sudden when his mother decided to marry Furihata’s father. Moved to another town where he lost his friends and acquaintances, Furihata ended up following Tadashi and him around, being shy and scared most of the time but determined to be included. He stopped following them when they entered high school, with him decided to join basketball team instead of volleyball. 

Tsukishima nearly smiled as an image of his happier childhood came to his mind. But like many other memories worth remembering, it also had Tadashi in it, and Tsukishima still couldn’t ignore the bitter feeling of betrayal everytime he remembered that name.

So instead, he frowned. “What could Daichi possibly doing in Furihata’s?” he asked. “I didn’t know they were friends.”

“They’re having a band meeting. You remember? The Crows. The garage band that you started with the rest of…”

“I remember,” Tsukishima said, puffing a smoke outside the window. A small band he was a part of in college. Tsukishima participated in the early formation of the band, due to Tanaka’s encouragement. He quit the band two semesters after it was formed. Studying business could be a bitch and it left him no time to sleep, let alone play in a band. Daichi filled in the spot he left, and Tsukishima never heard about it again ever since. Truth to be told, he didn’t care enough to find out. Like he didn’t care about most things in his life.

“Yea, that,” Kageyama said. “Furihata offered his house to be the meeting point today. Since Daichi also bring… uh,” he stopped, coughing in an obvious attempt to cut his almost slip. “Anyway, in case you’re wondering, Furihata moved in with Akashi, now. They live in the mansion in the outskirts of town.”

It was not mentioned but it was implied that there wouldn’t be Tadashi around. 

“Good to know,” Tsukishima said, as he blew another smoke out of the car window. The implication of Tadashi in their conversation still stung, somewhat. Much to his surprise. Tsukishima had avoided him so long, and so carefully that the implication of  _ him _ out loud felt like an insult to his attempt. He was lucky that he had his cigarette. He didn’t think that he could handle it without anything. 

Tsukishima wondered if he’s ready to see Furihata after all this time, or even Daichi and Koshi. He wondered if they could see them the same way, if he was ready with the questions that would hang in the air, a pitying stare that mourns for ended friendship like Lev and Oikawa threw at him when they asked about Tadashi and Yachi somewhere in the middle of a photoshoot. Tsukishima didn’t like that. He didn’t like being seen as  _ the victim _ . And in all honesty, that’s why he’s been cutting off communication with his old friends ever since the afterparty happened. They knew too much about him, and there were too many unspoken questions that he didn’t want to answer. 

The blond smoked the last drag of his cigarette.  _ Future problem for future me _ , he thought, as the car started to drive in the lane to the mansion on top of the hill.

-

“They’re in the main guest-bedroom,” Kageyama said as they entered the mansion that gave a cold, and mighty impression. This building screams too Akashi, leaving no room to give a simple, friendly, and warm vibe that Furihata usually brought. Perhaps one year is a long enough time for a character’s change. Perhaps one year is a long enough time for Tsukishima to lost track what Furihata is like anymore. Either way, it made him a little bit more anxious. If the man he had known for his entire childhood could change in a matter of months, then he would most likely have zero clues on what Daichi and Koshi like now. 

There was a loud voice from the room that they passed, overlapping one another. Tsukishima turned his head, only to see Kiyoko, Tanaka, and Noya talking to each other. However, he couldn’t stare for long because Kageyama directed him into another hall in the other direction, where they finally stopped in front of a door.

“Don’t make a stupid face,” Kageyama warned as he let out one of his less scary grins, and opening the door. 

Tsukishima almost talks back, but his words were cut when he saw what’s behind the door. 

There was Daichi, alright. And Su…  _ Koshi _ . But they were not alone. They were sitting on the edge of a large bed, with two babies laying between them.

Wait a minute. _Two babies._

Tsukishima raised his eyebrows high, trying to make sense of the situation. 

“Now that’s his stupid face,” Kageyama laughed, turning Daichi’s and Koshi’s attention to the door, their smile were blinding.

“Tsukishima,” Koshi waved. “We’ve been waiting for you.”

Tsukishima blinked, eyes still locked on the laying small figures on the bed, before realizing that he had to respond to that. Tsukishima cleared his throat. “Uh, yeah,” he said. “I know. You send the king to call me, after all,” he took a short step to the room, and only by then, he realized that there were also other people in the room.

Hinata. And beside him, was none other than Furihata Kouki.

Furihata’s genuine smile was spreading as he got up and walking towards Tsukishima, warm and friendly and simple as he usually is. The same smile that seemed to be a signature of his family, because that same smile was similar to…

Tsukishima took a step back when Furihata walked towards him. No, this is the exact reason why he avoided the younger brother. Because even though they’re not exactly blood-related, Furihata was too much alike to his former best friend. The way his eyes light up, the way he smiled, the way his hand easily raised in a meaning for a hug.

_ No.  _

Furihata’s smile dropped, making Tsukishima felt a little bit guilty. They look alike, sure. But Furihata was not the one that backstabbed him. He wasn’t the one that…

Tsukishima nodded to the slightly younger man, the best compensation he could do right now to let him know that he’s still welcoming their friendship, maybe. He hoped it would be enough for now. It was too early on Saturday and Tsukishima’s head was way too wrecked to think a better way to interact to Furihata. 

That thought alone was killing him. Tsukishima really needed a distraction. He then shifted his eyes to the easiest prey in the room, grinning mischievously upon seeing Hinata tensed up, ready to receive his usual snarky remark. 

“You’re still going on about that?” Tsukishima snickered as he glared towards Hinata’s shirt, with crow picture and a large The Crow written all over. 

“Hey, we’re pretty huge now!” Hinata defended himself, albeit not as loud as he usually does, which also strange. Did somewhere for the past year, Hinata managed to find a _decrease volume_ button inside himself? “What, d’ya live under the rock or something? We’re a hit on the radio now. In fact, we’re now a part of a Stream Tour!”

“Of course,” Tsukishima said, voice high on mockery that made Hinata mumbled incoherent words. But he had ignored him and turned to Daichi instead. “So what is it that you might need from me, Daichi-san?”

Daichi laughed loudly at that. “It’s always all business with you, huh,” he said, earning a slap on the hand from Koshi. His former captain now mouthing sorry quietly, as if didn’t want to wake the babies behind him. 

The babies which Tsukishima still need an explanation for.  Although, upon seeing the way Koshi reacted, Tsukishima could already guess.

“Fine, then. I’ll get to the point. Boys, if you would?” Daichi turned to Kageyama and Hinata, who nodded and left the room. Furihata followed behind them, stopping right next to Tsukishima for a few moments to whisper “nice to see you again” before leaving and closing the door behind him.

“This feels like a serious business,” Tsukishima said, trying to push away the guilt that lingered inside him about mistreating Furihata in his own house.

“It is,” Koshi said. “Please, sit down, Tsukki.”

“Is it gonna be a long talk?” Tsukishima asked, not moving from the ground he stood on.

“It might,” Koshi replied gently. “But please, sit down. I heard from Kageyama that you had...  _ quite a night  _ with Lev and the models. You must be still recovering from the hangover.” 

Tsukishima shrugged. Koshi made it sound like he had absolute fun last night when honestly, all he did was getting stoned in a bar with his  _ barely friends _ from his modelling time until Kageyama had to come and drive him home. Even that, he couldn’t remember clearly. “The banana milkshake helped, by the way,” Tsukishima said. “Thanks, Suga-sa… uh, Koshi-san. For taking care of me up until now. You’re really like mom, in a good way I promise,” he paused for a moment to smile to a blush that rose on Koshi’s cheek. “I wouldn’t even be surprised if the babies on the bed are yours?”

The couple shared a glance at each other, before snickering at his guess.  _ Spot on _ , Tsukishima thought, although the confirmation still shook him. Wow. Tsukishima always knew that Daichi and Koshi are parents material. He just didn’t know that they decided to have baby…  _ babies! _ so soon. It wasn’t even a year after their marriage. 

Or has it?

“Congrats, by the way,” Tsukishima said. “What made you file for adoption, finally?”

“Oh, no, it wasn’t an adoption. It’s surrogacy. We had talked about it for quite some time, now. We even had planned it even before we planned the wedding, knowing full well that we both want children of our own,” Koshi said, his smile was so blinding, that Tsukishima could feel his heart almost swell.  _ Almost _ . “They’re only one week old. Come. You wanna see?”

The blond nodded and walking closer to the bed where the babies were sound asleep. They looked like Daichi, through and through. From their defined jaws, their slightly tanned skin, their thin, little pouty lips, to their big ears. Tsukishima found himself smiling a little upon seeing how peaceful they are, and that didn’t escape Koshi’s and Daichi’s proud stares.

“Beautiful, aren’t they?” Koshi said. “This one is Michi, and the one with more hair and rounder head is Mia,” he continued, a smile never once left his lips.

“They’re like Daichi-san,” Tsukishima replied as he glanced towards Daichi, who smiled proudly like a father. Tsukishima had seen his dad-look multiple times in the past, but now it seems to increase tenfold and really, that look suited Daichi best. A warm feeling developed in his chest, all the way to his throat that Tsukishima had to cough a little to hush away the feeling. He didn’t like babies. Never. But somehow, seeing how much Daichi and Koshi beamed, he felt like he was feeling happy for them too. 

And the guilt, as usual, followed not far behind.

“I’m sorry I didn’t know,” Tsukishima said. “I didn’t bring anything.”

Daichi shook his head. “It’s fine,” he said. “We didn’t tell many people yet. But if you remember, I do ask you to come for a favor.”

“Is it about the babies? Sorry, but I can’t babysit,”  _ I can’t even take care of myself _ , Tsukishima would say. But it sounded too morbid to be spoken out loud near the pure creatures that were The Sawamuras’ children. 

Daichi laughed again, a little softer this time. “Always so perceptive,” he said. “But don’t worry, Tsukki. That’s not the kind of favour we want to ask. It’s about the band, honestly,” he paused for a moment as if trying to learn Tsukishima’s expression. But the blond had accustomed to schooling his expression to what Lev called a poker face, so it was a waste of attempt in Daichi’s part. He won’t bother guessing what Daichi might need from him, therefore he won’t show any expression out until Daichi said it.

“So yeah,” Daichi continued. “As Hinata mentioned before, The Crows is now getting pretty big. We’re part of the lineup that will perform in Stream Tour next month. Sadly, I can’t seem to partake in this tour, nor will I be able to continue to play in the band. See, me and Koshi… We decided to be full time parents,” he paused to glance at Koshi, who was holding his hand, being sappy like the kind of couple they are. Tsukishima turned his glance away from their hands, feeling a little bit intrusive just by staring. “It’s really a hard decision to make, but seeing them right now, I don’t want to leave them for the tour. This tour alone would be held in 30 cities in the span of two months time. Just thinking about leaving Koshi and the babies alone made me feel anxious.”

Tsukishima nodded, letting him continue. He knew what tour was like. Tsukishima used to keep track of these kinds of thing, excitedly skimming through city names to see if his city was included in his favourite band's tour. What he didn't understand now why Daichi talked about it when it has nothing to do with...

“We were hoping that you would take back your position as lead guitarist in the band, to replace Daichi,” Koshi continued, eyes gleamed with excitement and hope.

An excitement and hope that was quickly wiped away with Tsukishima’s quick, reflex-driven “no.”

The couple paused for a moment, as if not expecting it. Not so soon, at least.

Daichi was the one that reacted.  “Tsukki…”

“No, sorry,” Tsukishima said. “I can’t.”

“Is it your modelling? Are you still accepting bookings outside the agency?” Daichi asked. “But Oikawa said that you don't even have a manager anymore…”

“No,” Tsukishima said. “It’s not… that. I just….” he scrambled his brain, trying to find good enough reason to decline. But his stupid brain still wouldn’t work properly with hangover still lingered on the edges of his mind. And it's not helping that guilt started to resurface somewhere within himself, blaming him for not being able to help Daichi. The same Daichi that was willing to lie to Tsukishima's mother so Tsukishima could maintain his "perfect son, perfect life" image. The same Daichi that was willing to help Tsukishima get out of his misery even when the blond didn't know that he needed it. The same Daichi that texted a _thank you for the flowers_  instead of calling and prying, respecting the border that Tsukishima made even though he was the rude one for not being there for Daichi for his wedding day.

Stupid brain. Stupid Daichi.

“Why does it have to be me?” Tsukishima asked, finally too tired to find a reason and just spoke the first reasonable, non-awkward thing that came to mind. “If you guys are as huge as Hinata said, then it wouldn’t be hard to find some great guitarist out there, wouldn’t it?”

Silence filled the room for a few moments. Daichi and Koshi stared at each other, communicating wordlessly like a married couple. Wait, they are indeed married. And Tsukishima thought that the ceremony last year was just a formalization, really. They had been mentally married to each other since high school. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be able to pull that wordless argument with their eyes alone.

And it drove Tsukishima crazy, not being able to interrupt whatever it is they’re doing. He was so close to grabbing the cigarette and light one, but ignored his urge for the sake of the babies. Koshi would kill him on the spot if he blew a secondhand smoke in the room.

“We tired,” Daichi’s voice ripped the silence between them, distracting Tsukishima from his urge to smoke. His eyes were fixing at Tsukishima in full determination. “We have been auditioning people for my replacement for months now. But… we can’t find the right person that could easily compatible with the band. See, Tsukki, you played with them. Heck, you started the band with them. You don’t need to adjust with those guys.”

“I’m sorry, how long did I play with them? Six months? Seven?”

“Eight months.”

“You get my point,” Tsukishima said. “I’m not all that familiar with them. So really, I'm very sorry, Daichi-san. It's not like I don't want to help you. But  _ no _ . Not this. You can ask me for shits but not... being in a band, ”  _w_ _ith old high school friends, which also knows both Tadashi and Yachim and will possibly mention them at some point on the road. I can't handle it. I won't let myself fall into that kind of situation. I don't want to be seen as_ the victim _. Not to anyone. Not anymore._

"I believe that's all you wanted to talk to me about," Tsukishima said, closing the conversation before turning his heels back and away from the couple, walking out from the large guest bedroom. He was tempted to slam the door just to spite them, but it was childish and he still considered the babies.

It wasn't long until he could hear footsteps from behind him,  light and quick. 

“Tsukki, let me walk you out,” Koshi’s soft voice was heard before the man himself walked beside him.

“You’re going to talk some more, aren’t you?” Tsukishima asked. “Sorry, Koshi-san. You can say a shit ton of things but I will still say no. That’s final.”

From his peripheral vision, Tsukishima could see that Koshi was frowning, but he didn’t stop. He kept on matching Tsukishima’s quick face, brisk-walking a little since he wasn’t as tall as the blond. “I know,” he said. “And that’s fine, really. I know that what we asked was too much, really sudden, and out of nowhere. But I just…” he paused for a moment. “I hope you would at least think about it. Look, it’s a little bit selfish. But the reason we ask you is because I love the band, and truthfully, I didn’t want Daichi to leave. It was everything for us. Music, friendship, gigs, and the in-betweens. We didn’t plan to leave the band even after having a baby. But you see, there are two now. Nobody expects twins. Not me, not Daichi, not the surrogate mother, not even the doctor. The baby hid behind her twin sister these whole time, making herself undetectable,” Koshi smiled a little, his voice was soft and filled with warmth that Tsukishima repelled with anger. “As much as I want Daichi to stay in the band, I have to say that the thought of me raising the two of them by myself was scary, even with the help of a nanny. I can’t do it by myself. On the other hand, I also don’t want some stranger to play Daichi’s part. The band is my family.  _ Ours _ . That’s why we choose to approach you. You’re a family to us too.”

Tsukishima stopped in his track. “You won’t manage the band anymore,” it was a conclusion, not a question.

Koshi nodded. “It’s sad, but it was never an option for me, once the surrogacy was planned,” he smiled sadly. “The managerial duty will fall to Furihata now. He quitted his job and said that he wanted to try. What we need now is someone to replace Daichi. So once again, I didn’t want to push you to do something you don’t want. But please, please at least think about it. For old time’s sake.”

_ For old time’s sake, you shouldn’t place me in a position where I would spend a lot of time with my backstabber / former bestfriend’s younger brother _ , Tsukishima would say. But that would raise a question, the pity stares, and as much as satisfying it is so spite Koshi, Tsukishima decided that it’s not worth it. 

“I’ll think about it," Tsukishima said.  It was only for the appearance. Tsukishima was pretty sure he wouldn’t change his mind.

“Thank you,” Koshi said, squeezing Tsukishima’s shoulders like a proud mother. “I’ll call Kageyama to drive you back. Or… do you want to catch up with the rest of the band? They kind of missed you.”

Tsukishima shrugged. “I really need sleep now, Koshi-san. My head is killing me.”

Koshi didn’t say anything afterwards, only asking Tsukishima to wait in the grand foyer while he came to get Kageyama. Tsukishima couldn't help but stare at a small photo hanging on the wall. Where Furihata and Tadashi were smiling together with #ClassybyDashi craving as a background. This photo was definitely from the time Dashi launched his first flagship store that was built inside one of the Akashi Group’s building. Tsukishima remembered seeing the photo accidentally on his hotel room in Shanghai.

He remembered throwing the paper to the fireplace, watching their smiles burned and wrinkled into ash.

Yeah, no way in hell he would travel with Furihata anywhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah this is much longer than I expected. But please leave feedback if you have any ;)


	3. Wakeup Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsukishima is secretly thinking about his life choices, and Daichi's offers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so, this is where we would learn a little bit about Tsukki and his family.

Days went by since he talked to The Sawamuras, and despite what he said and thought, Tsukishima was actually thinking about it. 

However, the answer that he came up with was always a  _ no _ .

And so he continued his life as before. He woke up at nine, looking for freelance jobs with the barest commitment he could find, eating Thai or Chinese takeouts for dinner while watching old gameshows, sleep, and get drunk until he was stoned on Fridays. Sometimes he went with his model acquaintances, anyone he could find that didn’t know much about his life. But most of the time, it was Kageyama. Tsukishima avoided him best as he could, but the moment Kageyama proved that he wasn’t that much of a talker, Tsukishima let him stay to drink with him.

The offer was slowly fell to the back of his mind, completely forgotten until he watched a morning news where he saw someone that looked like Tanaka. His mind quickly wondered about his former upperclassman and before he knew it, he pulled his laptop from under the bed, opening a browser and typing in “The Crow band” on google. 

Perhaps it was curiosity, perhaps it was mild hangover he was still in, but information was loading anyway, and Tsukishima didn’t turn his eyes away once they came to display.

Apparently, Hinata wasn’t boasting about the band getting pretty huge. They are indeed, or at least as huge as an over ninety millions of google results, one official web page, and five hundred thousands of people following them on social media. 

Tsukishima skimmed through their Wikipedia page. Their history (that he was all familiar with), the festivals and tours they were part of (which was many, although they were never headlining), and their discography. To his surprise, Tsukishima’s name was mentioned once in the article, right under the  _ past member _ category. His name was clickable, and it led to a two-liners page of his modeling profile, with one of his photo from some random Swedish designer photoshoot added on the personal bio section. 

He absentmindedly scrolls through the band’s social media account. It was mostly gig photos, taken by fans or someone called Ennoshita Chikara that they credited on each photo. Other than that, there were also tour date images, new merch releases, and behind the scenes photos where they hang out with other bands they toured with. They look happy, even Kiyoko was smiling a little wider than Tsukishima remembered. 

The blond paused when he finally got to the first few photos that the band posted, the ones with ugly filters and still have Tsukishima in it. In those photos, he looked thinner, younger, but a small tug of the corner of his mouth said much about his happiness. Tsukishima remembered the day the photo was taken, it was just a little after their first gig.

But other than that, he also remembered that he was still a sophomore student, enjoying college life before it was crushing. He remembered that Hinata was just an art student struggling with his schedule and pining over Kageyama miserably. He remembered Tanaka worked at a restaurant while still pursuing his love for music, squeezing band practice to his busy weekends and spending half of his paycheck building a garage they could play in. He remembered Kiyoko practicing with her bass more seriously while everyone knows that she was just running away from home again, avoiding a controlling father who disapproved of her  _ extracurricular  _ activity. He remembered Noya, not particularly doing anything aside of the band, anxious with the uncertainty of his own future but trying his best to support his friends anyway.

He remembered that at that exact moment the photo was taken, they were just a garage band. A bunch of baby crows, stuck in a tree between the eggshells they were born from, staring at the sky and wondering what it feels like to soar.

But now, now they were soaring high. All of them. And Tsukishima, well… he was simply floating. He did things to turn day into night, to pass the time and buy takeouts and drinks on Friday.

His life was okay but never felt great. 

Tsukishima wondered if he was truly okay with this.

He hovered the mouse to his own profile, tagged on the caption and clicked on his own abandoned social media profile. He posted only a few pictures, mostly a result of his modeling shoot to help promote the campaign. He scrolled down to before, seeing photos with Yachi and Dashi, band photos, a small gig he partook three years ago, and then that was it.

_ Correction _ . His life had been great, but great things came to a bitter end.  _ Always _ . Because after reaching a certain high, there will be nothing ahead but a way down. 

So maybe  _ this _ is not that bad after all. You can’t possibly fall if you weren’t up in the high in the first place now, can’t you?

He was staring at the picture of the band, perhaps a little too long before he heard his front door knocked. 

Tsukishima groaned. He supposed to be dead to the world on Saturdays. Or did the world missed the memo again?

The blond abandoned the door, trying to let whoever on the door knows that nobody’s home. But of course, the world refused to leave him alone because in the next second, Tsukishima heard his phone rang. 

Tsukishima turned the screen, only to see the name of his mother appearing on his phone. 

Well, fuck.

“Kei,” his mother greeted when he picked up the phone. “Are you home? I’m on your door.”

_ Of course.  _

 

-

 

“... So yeah, poor Daichi and that husband of his. They weren’t welcomed in their own hometown,” his mother ended the talk about how The young Sawamuras were practically been kicked out of Daichi’s parents’ house, while still rummaging around Tsukishima’s small kitchen, preparing a lunch that was more like breakfast for Tsukishima. “But we managed to talk, though. Daichi and I. And he told me a lot about you. He said that you’re still busy modeling, but only for small companies now and you don’t take abroad jobs anymore. That’s why I decided to come and eat lunch together with my son. Aren’t you glad?” 

Tsukishima smiled at the soup his mother placed on the table in front of him, more to the fact that Daichi is still covering his ass despite his rejection a few weeks ago. But hopefully, his small smile could be passed on as a thankfulness. “Of course,” he said. “It’s really been a while.”

Meaning, that it had been a year since he last saw his mother. She also knew too much about Dashi and Yachi, that Tsukishima left no room for her in his life.

His mom sat in front of him, smiling. She looked as beautiful as ever, even though her pale complexion was decorated with wrinkles now. “Don’t mind me. You’ve been busy traveling the world,” she chuckled. “But it must be hard for you, working on a small scale while you’re used to a world-class work environment. Are you okay, honey?” 

Tsukishima bit the carrot hard.  _ Of course _ , he thought. Of course, his mother would interrogate her about a low standard Tsukishima set for himself. Of course, she wasn’t here just for the sake of  _ having lunch with his son _ , no. She was here to make sure that she put Tsukishima on the right path, one filled with glory and wealth to his name.

“Fine, mom,” Tsukishima said, after swallowing the carrot without more chewing. “I just… think that modeling is just a gig. It’s fun for a little while but I don’t plan on staying. It wasn’t exactly a healthy environment, with body obsession and everything. Besides, I think it’s important for me to catch up on my courses online while also applying for freelance jobs…” what were Daichi’s lies again? “... by working with local designers. So don’t worry. It was my choice and I don’t regret it.”

Tsukishima almost wanted to applaud himself for lying so smoothly. Because he knew damn well that it wasn’t his choice. Everything he said was a lie. The truth is, he failed. He didn’t quit modeling, it kicked him out because apparently, rejecting bookings from #ClassybyDashi three times in the span of one year, as well as canceling bookings for a shot or a Fashion Week where Dashi would be in there was considered a _non-cooperative_ _behavior_. And that even his manager was calling him with swears so damn colorful that would put skittles to shame. Tsukishima was a shame. He was a failure.

But his mom didn’t need to know the details. 

“Oh, Firefly, that is such a waste,” she cooed, concern was painted across her face, and that wasn’t exactly a great signal because that face was usually followed by a preach in three, two, one.... “I believe that you’re actually a perfect fit in that world. You are always a beautiful one, you know. Long legs, thin figure, beautiful face… Not to mention that you’re smart. You’re amazing, Firefly. You shouldn’t be afraid of challenges whatever might come to your way.” she said. “I just want you to know that you shouldn’t be afraid of failure and just follow your passion. The world around you might be a little bit frightening and you might fall once or twice. But everything will be okay, as long as you can get yourself back up. I mean, just look at your brother. Akiteru…”

_ Yes, of course,  _ Tsukishima thought, tuning out his mother’s preach altogether.  _ Because Akiteru is such a perfect example _ ; a volleyball ace, student council president, a true jock of high school that had a lot of friends, and never lacking fans. He had a bright future in front of him, easy to reach with his smart interior and charming exterior. 

And he also had this burning passion that made him more lively. That same passion led him to take marine biology as his major, aiming to be a brainy entrepreneur/scientist to save the planet or whatever. 

It was a great goal, seem to be reachable by the likes of Akiteru. Except, he didn’t make it.

Tsukishima didn’t know how Akiteru could be driven away from the success path that was laid in front of him, what with Akiteru’s charming persona, his sociable trait, and his brain and strength. Until one day, he heard from Tanaka’s sister that Akiteru’s college life was a total flop. He skipped class a lot, having a hard time learning marine biology especially since he was so focused on his hippie march, going on a protest here and there and by then, all of his ideals were burnt by his own passion, leaving him with nothing. 

Their mother didn’t knew any of that. It was only when Akiteru was so close to confessing that he was dropped out, that he dated a girl whose father was the head of a nonprofit ocean organization. They ended up married, giving Akiteru a job, a fortune, and an opportunity to continue to lie to their mother about his miserable life story.

A name and a fortune to his name was enough for Tsukishima’s mother to believe his brother.

But Tsukishima must pay for the price of his brother’s failure. He paid it by taking the burden to never fail, because it would break his mother’s heart, knowing that the kid that she raised alone would come out as a failure like their father was (Akiteru’s words, not his). So Tsukishima decided to ditch his passion for Paleontology, and opting to take business major instead. He quit volleyball in order to learn about business and stuff he knew shit about. He was in the right path to make himself success, being a pride of his mother. He did everything for his mother, for Tsukishima family name, and ultimately, for him not to feel as pathetic as Akiteru. 

Tsukishima swallowed his food. It was easier said and done. Because he was entering college with all of those shits, and yet he ended here, being cheated on, dropped out, got kicked out from his job, and overall lonely.

He ended up being more pathetic than Akiteru. Because at the very least, he got the girl. 

“... Can you promise me that you would try again, honey?”

“Of course,” Tsukishima said, not exactly knowing what it was he promised her. But he might have an idea. “I will try my best, mother.”

His voice sounded flat, uninterested, and only a tone higher than a whisper. But it seemed to satisfy his mother alright, because she beamed brightly at that. “I know you just need an encouragement,” she said. “Oh, and speaking of the fashion world, have you talked to Tadashi these past few weeks? I called him the other day and he said that it had been a while since you guys talk.”

Tsukishima stopped on his track. Great, his mom just dropped one bomb after another. What, does he looks like Pearl Harbor, now?

“Yea, he’s busy  with his label growing fast,” he said. “He’s practically a celebrity, now. So mom, please do not call him again just to look for me. He’s an extremely busy man.”

“Shush, he said I can always call whenever,” his mother chuckled. “Our little Dashi being famous and travelling the world. Isn’t it amazing? Why didn’t you model for his designs? I believe you can still talk to each other like that, cause you’ll be around him.”

There was no harm in that words, and definitely, there wasn’t any other implication. But the way his mother said it made Tsukishima angry. He felt like his mother was pitying him, for not making it like Dashi. It added fuel to his already shitty feeling for being more pathetic than Akiteru, so he lied again, without even thinking.

“Oh yeah, he offered, really, but I think it’s gonna be hard matching our schedule,” he said. “I took Daichi’s spot in his band, since he left to take care of his children with Koshi. They’re just beginning to be big, so I think I want to try before going back to modelling.”

Which will be never, and what the fuck was he saying, going about the band? He clearly said no and they might had a replacement already.

“Band… Band… Oh!” His mother gasped. “The one with Shimizu in it?”

“Yes.” _ Fuck _ .

That’s really nice,” his mother smiled. “Rockstar Kei is awesome too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please let me know what you think? :) i'm all game for constructive criticism!


End file.
